Welcome to the whirlwind world of toddlerhood. If you are a parent or a proud grandparent, like me, you’ve probably marvelled at the swift pace with which these little beings explore, absorb and react to the world around them.
As I navigate the day with my 18-month old granddaughter, I have noticed that I talk a lot, about everything. All day, I interpret her cues and narrate her experience. It’s become abundantly clear to me - the power of language in shaping her experiences and building a strong connection.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the significance of interpreting toddlers’ cues and narrating their experiences out loud. From modelling language to validating their emotions, it enhances all areas of their development and strengthens the bonds that make these fleeting moments so precious.
Language Development
One of the most obvious benefits of talking about everything your toddler does is language development. Toddlers start by listening to the sounds and words adults around them use. As they hear these sounds, they begin to imitate and experiment with making their own sounds. This leads to the development of basic words and eventually sentences. It's a gradual process where they learn to understand and express themselves through language by observing and interacting with those around them. At 18 months, my granddaughter, Maven, surprises us with new words and sounds everyday. The consistent use of ‘ya’ and ‘no’ is fairly new and really enhances her ability to express her wants and needs in a way that we can easily understand.
Serve-and-Return
Reciprocity, also known as serve-and-return is another important aspect of language development. This is the back and forth of communication. Your toddler makes a sound and you say the word, they smile and repeat the sound. Maven hands me a book, I say, “You want to read the book?” She says, “book” and puts her hands up. I say, “You want to read the book with grandma,” and pick her up. She is practising the foundation of communication and we are building a bond. Serve-and-return is seen as a key aspect of secure attachment, starting at birth.
Social Development: Consent and Boundaries
Serve-and-return is important to both language development and social development. Narrating a toddlers experience also enhances other areas of social development such as consent and boundaries. From the time Maven was a baby, when I was leaving I would ask, “Do you want a hug?” If she turned away or snuggled into the parent that was holding her, I said, “You don’t want a hug, okay. I love you.” It’s important to interpret and narrate their experience as they are showing us and to respect that. This validates their experience and empowers them to trust their own experience.
Last week, when I was leaving, I got down to Maven’s level and asked, “Do you want a hug before Grandma leaves?” She said, “Whale,” and brought her stuffed whale for grandma to hug. I interpreted and narrated, “You don’t want a hug. You want grandma to hug the whale.” Consent and boundaries starts with interpreting and narrating their experiences, then respecting what they are ‘telling us.’
Emotional Development
When a toddlers’ grown ups interpret and narrate the child’s feelings, they validate and put words to the experience. This is important to co-regulation which children need to experience repeatedly so that they can eventually self-regulate. Sometimes when Maven’s mommy leaves for work, Maven says, “bye-bye” and continues to play and sometimes she starts to cry and follows mommy around in anticipation that she is getting ready to leave. I narrate either experience and when emotions are big it is especially important that I interpret and narrate.
Adults often rush to change the emotion, rather than narrating the child’s experience. The magic of narrating is that you are telling the story from the toddlers’ experience, the best you can, not trying to change it. I acknowledge that she is crying, feeling sad that her mom left. And I keep repeating that you are sad because your mom left or went bye-bye as long as that is what she is showing me. I am not trying to make her forget or not be sad, I am validating her feelings, giving her the language for the feelings, building emotional literacy and lending my calm so that she knows she is safe and loved.
If you spend time with toddlers you know that their emotions can change quickly and frequently and can sometimes be a challenge to figure out what is going on for them. You may not always get it right and that’s okay, there will be many opportunities throughout the day to interpret and narrate their emotional experience.
Physical Development
You may be wondering how talking about a toddler’s experience helps their physical development. Narrating a child’s experience can go a long way to building body awareness and physical literacy as well as promoting competence and confidence. I talk about Maven’s body parts and what they are doing. “Hands up, hands down”, “You are stomping your feet.”
I talk about where she is in space, “You are behind grandma”, “You are sitting right on the edge.”
Maven is a risk taker, so I encourage when appropriate and set limits when required, “That looks tricky, you are trying to climb up. You can do it,” or “Sit down, that’s not safe.”
I give words to her actions; jumping, spinning, crawling, running.
Cognitive Development
During the toddler years the brain is developing exponentially. Every moment is an opportunity for building and strengthening neural pathways. As we narrate a child’s experience we give context to that experience. For example, the other day Maven and I were at the park when an ambulance went by, sirens blaring. Maven heard the sound and turned towards it. I narrated the experience and added context. “You hear the loud sound, wah, wah, (my attempt to make the ambulance sound) that’s an ambulance. It makes that sound so the cars can get out of the way because it needs to go so fast to help someone.” Yes, that was a lot of information and she isn’t going to understand it all. But I have validated her experience by acknowledging the sound and my calm words provide reassurance that she is safe and loved. She will have more experiences with ambulances and her understanding will continue to develop.
Repetition is a major theme for toddlers. I read the same book over and over again. We do the same actions over and over again. Her current favourite is “Dance, dance … stop.” She dances and expects me to imitate and then stops. I narrate, “Dance, dance, …. Stop.” She is practising control of her body and of grandma. This is a first step to impulse control. And she is learning the words and their meaning. She also makes her dolls and stuffed animals dance and stop, looking to grandma to add the words and also dance and stop on cue.
Repetition builds and strengthens neural pathways. It’s how toddlers (and everyone) learn. Children learn concepts like colours and shapes when you put words to their experience. And it all happens naturally through play. I say ‘red ball, red block, red sock’ in context to what she is doing. Eventually, when she sees that colour her brain will interpret as red and she will say the word. That’s the power of putting language to your child’s experience.
Connection
And perhaps, most importantly, when you interpret and narrate your toddler’s experience, they feel seen, heard and understood. They become aware of their internal and external experience and know that it matters. When a toddler anticipates that you will understand, they are motivated to communicate.
For example, Maven anticipates that I will interpret her actions. On my visit this week, I became her personal jukebox as she repeatedly did the action for a familiar song and I sang that song, over and over again. Then she did the action for a different song. I knew from the joy on her face that I had interpreted correctly and was singing the song she was thinking about. These small moments of connection are priceless for both of us.
Conclusion
Become the interpreter and narrator of your toddler’s life. Watch and listen. Be curious about their experience, about what you can see and hear but also about what they might be feeling, physically and emotionally. Offer your best guess and then watch for their cues to let you know if you got it right or not. Trust and respect their experience.
Narrating what you see and hear can also provide the pause you need to respond rather than react. Taking the time to say, “You are throwing the blocks, you must be feeling very angry,” can give your nervous system the pause it needs to go from an immediate reaction to a response that will help your child in this moment and build skills for the future.
If this feels awkward for you, that’s okay. Start small, for 10 minutes each day without distractions, focus on interpreting and narrating your child’s experience out loud. The benefits are definitely worth the effort.
~Rose Couse~
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