No role in our life comes with as much emotion, conflicting information and controversy as the role of parent. My children were born in 1987 and 1990. I am now a grandma to a 1year old and constantly amazed at how much has changed.
The days of parenting as we were parented have long passed.
Many argue that parenting should return to traditional ways. Personally, despite the many challenges of today's world, the emerging trends in parenting give me great hope for the future.
Maya Angelou said,
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Let’s consider some of the parenting trends that have changed either from necessity or new knowledge.
Helicopter Parents vs. Free-Range Parenting
In the 90’s my children had freedoms that might be considered irresponsible today. They had the freedom to explore the neighborhood with their friends. They rode their bikes to the community park, pool or general store. And gasp there was no way to check in with them!
Nowadays, we have witnessed a shift towards ‘helicopter parenting’ with parents hovering over their children’s every move. Safety concerns and the rise of technology have played a role in this change, as kids activities have become more supervised and structured. The extreme of this is tracking children’s whereabouts via technology.
The world has changed and more concern for safety is valid. However, there are implications for parents and children and a need to find balance. The implications are:
There is no break for parents. They feel like they have to be hypervigilant regarding children’s safety.
Children miss opportunities for autonomy, developing problem solving and social skills that are inherent with unsupervised play
Screen Time Woes
Remember the good old days of Saturday morning cartoons and dial-up internet? The 90’s were a time of limited screen time. Our first desktop was in the living room for everyone to use. When we finally got a game system, they played on the one television our house had. We had to make a trip to Blockbusters if we wanted to watch a movie. I don’t recall exactly when they got their first cell phones but it was highschool or later and it’s only function was to make phone calls and text messages.
Besides aging myself, this stroll down memory lane highlights the drastic changes in technology that current parents must contend with.
Nowadays, technology has become an integral part of our lives and parenting has had to adapt accordingly. The challenge for modern parents lies in striking a balance between allowing their children to benefit from technology while preventing excessive screen time. And doing this amid constantly emerging information about the impacts and changing recommendations.
Parent Involvement in Education
In the 90’s parental involvement in education was often limited to parent-teacher conferences and occasional help with homework. Today, there’s increased pressure to accelerate learning and fear of your child falling behind. Expectations for what children know when they enter school have increased even though children are younger when they start school.
This push towards academic excellence puts undue pressure on children, parents and teachers. Research indicates there is no benefit to accelerated learning and in fact focus on academic skills before children are developmentally ready can lead to anxiety and negative associations with school and learning.
Parenting Resources: Then and Now
In the 90’s, parenting advice primarily came from family, friends, and a few trusted books or magazines. Today, the internet is flooded with an astronomical amount of parenting resources. From mommy blogs and online forums to social media influencers, parents have access to a vast array of information and opinions. While this can be empowering it can also be confusing and overwhelming. It’s crucial for parents to navigate this virtual sea wisely and trust their instincts.
My daughter in law is skilled at discerning evidence based information from opinion to find reliable parenting resources online that aid them in making informed decisions for their family. She also finds great used quality equipment and toys for very reasonable prices or free, which is a great use of technology.
Alternative Parenting Styles
The 90’s saw popularity in traditional parenting methods with discipline and structure taking center stage. Correcting behavior was the focus. Fast forward to the present, and we have witnessed, the rise of alternative parenting styles such as attachment parenting, gentle parenting, and positive discipline. These approaches, and others, emphasize nurturing and the emotional bond between parent and child, prioritizing empathy and understanding over strict discipline.
Many of the current parenting styles are evidence based from research. They take into account what we now know about how children learn and how the environment and relationships impact the brain development of children. Current research is readily available. If you are interested in learning more, here are a few of my favorite influencers in the field of child development, parenting and neuroscience. (I have no affiliation)
Conclusion
Parenting has come a long way since the 90’s, reflecting the changes in society, technology and our understanding of child development. Historically, every generation parents slightly different than the last. But parents of today are truly forging their own path. Finding their own way to parent differently than they were parented creates its own challenges and may seem daunting and overwhelming at times. However, the trend that gives me the most hope is that parent’s of today are intentional. I know that parenting styles and practices vary greatly based on many factors, including how you were parented. Despite the variances, I see a trend towards seeking information and making informed conscious decisions about what’s best for their children and families. There is an increased focus on overall well-being, including mental health, for children and parents. The importance of connection and secure attachment is paramount. There is a shift from what the child will become based on skills and career choice to who the child will become based on character traits. Parents strive to support their children to become their best selves, whoever that is.
Parenting with connection, identity, and intention as priorities gives me great hope for my granddaughter and future generations.
As grandparents the best we can do to support our children’s parenting journey is be open, accepting and follow their lead in this new age of parenting. The student has become the teacher.
There are many other ways that the parenting landscape has changed. Share your examples in the comments.
~ R.M. Couse ~
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