MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT

Make Peace With Your Child's Temperament

Temperament is your child’s unique approach to the world, their natural tendencies. Differences in temperament influence the way children handle emotions, regulate behavior and feel around new people and situations.

Problems often arise when adults try to change or work against their child’s temperament. It can be especially challenging if your child’s temperament is different from yours. For example, if you like to go with the flow and your child requires a predictable routine,

With an understanding and acceptance of their temperament, you can nurture children’s development using parenting strategies that suit their temperament. When you work with natural tendencies things can go easier for you and your child.

Researchers Chess, Thomas, and Birch have identified nine different temperament traits. Each of these can be placed on a continuum from a mild reaction to a strong reaction, from high to low. There isn’t a perfect temperament: There are positive and negative aspects to all the identified traits. Parents make the difference by helping the child to shape their particular qualities in the most advantageous way.

An awareness of the identified temperament traits can be helpful in knowing your child and supporting them in a manner that builds connection. As you review the traits, think about your child’s typical, most natural reactions. What responses have you come to predict?

1. Intensity

Intensity refers to the energy level with which a child responds to a situation, whether positive or negative. How strong are your child’s emotional reactions?

Strategies - If your child tends to have very intense emotional reactions, rather than trying to change that, focus on connection and provide space and time for the emotions. No matter where your child is on the scale of intensity, you can accept and validate all feelings and model words for the feelings, building their emotional literacy which aids in emotion regulation.

2. Persistence

Persistence describes the child’s ability to stick with an activity when difficulties arise. Most adults would agree that persistence is a positive trait. However, for children, the adult and the limits they set are often the difficulty that arises, keeping the children from doing what they want to do. Then persistence seems like a problem to the adults.

Strategies - If your child persists on doing what they want when you need/want them to do something else; acknowledge their feelings and maintain the limit. I have discussed setting and maintaining limits in previous blog posts. See the links below. In situations where you want to encourage persistence, praise effort, allow for mistakes and problem solve with children.

3. Sensitivity

Sensitivity refers to the amount of stimulation required for a child to respond or their awareness and reaction to stimuli. How does your child respond to noise, lights, movement, touch?

Strategies - If your child is very sensitive to certain stimuli, be aware and prepare for situations that may be difficult. If you are going to a crowded place and your child is sensitive to noise and too many people, prepare ahead of time. Perhaps a comfort item or favorite toy would help your child calm. Find a quiet space and give them breaks from the crowd. For children that are less sensitive to stimuli, encourage awareness by talking about sights, sounds and feelings from the environment. For example, “I hear a bird chirping, did you hear that?” “The wind is blowing on my face, do you feel it?”

4. Distractibility

Distractibility refers to the ease with which a child can be distracted from a task by environmental (usually visual or auditory) stimuli.

Strategies - If your child is easily distracted, work with your child to find strategies that are helpful to them. Visual schedules, fidget toys, timers, frequent movement breaks may be helpful. If you want to encourage your child to be more aware of what’s going on in their environment while engaged in an activity, try to engage in the favored activity with them and bring attention to stimuli in the environment. For example, ask to join the video game and as you are playing you can mention that you heard a door shut or that you smell dinner cooking.

5. Adaptability

Adaptability refers to the degree of ease or difficulty with which a child adjusts to change or a new situation and how well the child can modify their reaction.

Strategies - If change, transitions or new situations are a challenge for your child, maintain a predictable routine and schedule as much as possible. When changes will occur let the child know and plan for the changes. What will help your child be more comfortable? Can they stay close to you? Do they have a comfort item or favorite toy? If you won’t be with them, can they have a picture of you? All children will benefit from warnings of upcoming transitions or changes to routine.

6. Regularity

Is your child quite regular about eating times, sleeping times, amount of sleep needed and other bodily functions?

Strategies - All children benefit from a regular, predictable routine and schedule. It’s also important for children to have autonomy over their body. Parents can provide the routine but can’t control the child’s reaction. For example, a parent can decide a meal time and what will be served. The child will decide what and how much to eat of what is offered. A parent can decide bed time and establish a routine but you can’t make the child sleep. Establish what your role is and what the child’s role is. Try to make mealtimes and bedtime routines relaxing and enjoyable. As much as possible, let your child serve themselves from the food that is available. Give appropriate choices. Provide connection with the child by talking about things that are interesting and important to them.

7. Energy

Energy refers to the level of physical activity, motion, restlessness or fidgety behavior that a child demonstrates in daily activities. Is your child always on the move and busy or quiet and inactive?

Strategies - If your child has a high energy level provide lots of opportunities for movement and breaks from sitting. Fidget toys can be helpful. Be flexible. They may concentrate better if standing rather than sitting. They may be listening even when they are moving about and not looking at you. All children will benefit from opportunities for physical movement and time outdoors.

8. Approach/Withdrawal

Approach/Withdrawal refers to the way a child initially responds to a new situation, rapid and bold or slow and hesitant. What is your child’s first reaction when they are asked to meet people, try a new activity or idea or go someplace new?

Strategies - If your child is hesitant in new situations help them decide what will comfort them. They can stay near a parent until they feel more comfortable, they can have a comfort item with them, they can try it for a brief time and then take a break. If your child goes boldly into situations that aren’t safe you will need to supervise and set appropriate limits to keep them safe. When appropriate you can also engage them in problem solving. “I am worried someone is going to get hurt, how can you make sure it’s safe?” You can pretend scenarios that help them see the things that are not safe and choose an alternative.

9. Mood

Mood refers to the overall quality of a child’s disposition. How much of the time does your child feel happy and content compared with serious, analytical, or solemn?

Strategies - Regardless of your child’s mood, provide a safe space for the expression of all feelings. You can support emotional literacy by providing words for feelings. When appropriate, you can reframe children’s thoughts to something more positive and constructive. For example, if your child says, “I hate you,” you can say, “You are really angry right now.” Or if your child says, “I am not good at math,” you can say, “That math homework is really hard.” As they get older you can encourage them to reframe; “I wonder if there is another way you can think about that.”

Conclusion

Being tuned to your child’s temperament can help to organize their environment so that behaviors can flow more smoothly and you can provide a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved. The strategies I have provided are meant as possible suggestions. Each child is unique and you know your child best. You could make a list of strategies that are helpful for your child. It’s good to review and update as your child grows and changes. The list can also be helpful for other adults that spend time with your child. One of the best ways to support your child is to recognize and appreciate their unique approach to the world.

- RM COUSE

TO STAY UP-TO-DATE ON NEW BLOG POSTS AND OTHER NEWS,

SUBSCRIBE