Carol Dweck coined the terms fixed mindset and growth mindset to describe the underlying beliefs people have about learning and intelligence.
A growth mindset means that people believe their intelligence and talents can be improved through effort and actions. A growth mindset also recognizes that setbacks are a necessary part of the learning process and allows people to 'bounce back' by increasing motivational effort.
A fixed mindset describes children (and adults) who believe their intelligence, talents and personalities are fixed traits that cannot grow. They believe we are born with a certain level of ability (or special skills) and we are unable to improve our level of abilities over time.
A growth mindset is related to well-being and resilience while a fixed mindset is known to limit effort and potential, afterall, why try if your traits are fixed. Limiting beliefs are synonymous with a fixed mindset. How can we support our children to develop a growth mindset? What can we do when limiting beliefs do arise?
1. Be a Detective
Awareness is the first step. Limiting beliefs are often unconscious thoughts that act as a defense mechanism to protect us from what we perceive as negative experience or emotions. Watch for patterns of thought or behavior for you and your child. Is there something that you want to do, but you avoid it? Is it because you think you won’t be good at it? You have to become a bit of a detective, be curious about why you or your child react or behave the way you do.
Consider what your child’s point of view or perspective is. Are they saying they don’t like something but really feel embarrassed or worried to try it?
Establishing a safe space for the expression of feelings and open communication, make it more likely that your child will share with you. However, sometimes they may not be aware of why they are avoiding an activity. If you are curious with them, without judgment or shame, awareness can develop.
Acknowledge the thought patterns or beliefs that may be limiting your potential or not supporting the person you want to be.
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”
(Henry Ford)
Our thoughts and beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Are they supportive or limiting?
2. Avoid Labels
Inadvertently, the most well meaning parent or caregiver imposes our own limiting thoughts and beliefs on children.
Children are often, unintentionally, bombarded with limiting messages. They often hear adults talk about who they are or should be.
One I hear frequently is, “They are shy.”
This gives the message of who the child is and becomes the voice in their head, limiting their potential to be something different.
But what if the adult said,
“They are feeling shy right now,”
“Right now, they feel more comfortable to stay close to me,”
“They are not ready to play right now.”
These statements give the message that shyness is a temporary feeling and can change. The child is given power and control of their feelings. Their potential is not limited. With your encouragement and support they can take small steps, as they are ready.
Be aware of the messages that our children may be receiving from us and other adults in their life. Repeated messages become their default internal dialogue. Are they limiting or supportive and empowering?
3. Reframe
When children express limiting thoughts with words or behavior, adults can help reframe. For example; if your child says, “I suck at math.” You could reframe as, “This math homework is hard for you.” You are not discounting their feelings but you have reframed in a way that presents options for action. ‘The math homework is hard and you can do hard things.’
The power of yet is useful as a reframe. When your child says, “I can’t …,” you can reframe it as “You can’t do that yet.”
Not yet, reinforces the message that change is possible with effort. With repetition and support this can become the default message for your child. They will start to reframe limiting thoughts on their own.
4. Encourage Effort and Persistence
Children (and adults) need opportunities to try, fail and try again. Mistakes are part of the learning process. Create a safe space for mistakes. Encourage effort and persistence.
Model learning and growth - Admit your own mistakes. Talk about things you are learning, professionally or personally. Challenge yourself.
Praise the process - Acknowledge the effort, how hard your child is trying. When a mistake is made, talk about what is learned. Break challenging tasks into manageable steps and celebrate the small steps.
Refrain from praise that evaluates or judges; such as ‘good job,’ or ‘I like that.’ This creates extrinsic motivation, children do things to please others. When praise is more specific and related to the process, it promotes intrinsic motivation. Children do things for personal satisfaction or challenge. Intrinsic motivation is related to growth mindset, resilience and well-being.
5. Encourage Problem Solving
As adults we often jump in to solve problems or resolve conflicts between children. Even young children are competent problem solvers. My granddaughter is six months old. When she spots a toy that she wants just out of reach, she is persistent. She will reach, roll and pull her body towards the desired object until she can finally grasp it and bring it to her mouth, to explore. That is problem solving. If I moved every toy within her reach, she wouldn’t have the opportunity to explore and figure it out on her own. Of course, there are times when she needs support. If she appears overly frustrated, I may move the object a bit closer or easily within her reach.
When children have opportunities and support to solve problems, they feel competent and capable to solve problems that do arise. If an adult solves every problem for them, they believe that they are not capable and need someone else to solve problems for them.
In the next blog post I will discuss specific ways to problem solve with young children.
Conclusion
A growth mindset is related to resilience and well-being. Good news is that there are things we can do to promote a growth mindset at any stage of our lives. Reality is that we may have a growth mindset in some areas and a fixed mindset in other areas of our life.
Awareness is the first step. Then you can reframe the limiting beliefs and take action towards a more growth mindset. You and your child can do hard things. With effort and persistence those hard things will become easier. This applies to parenting. It is an ongoing learning process and you’ve got this!
- RM COUSE
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