Grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss.
It is inevitable that every child will experience grief. In Canada, statistics reveal that 1 in 14 children will experience the loss of a parent or sibling by their 18th birthday, and 1 in 5 children will encounter a significant loss of someone close to them. If we add in loss of a pet, loss from divorce or separation of family members, and other losses, it impacts every child and family. Yet, the elephant in the room remains - children’s grief is a topic often left unspoken.
Children experience loss daily; a lost or broken toy, temporary separation from a parent, change in routine. By understanding, addressing, and supporting them through these seemingly small tribulations, we can nurture healthy coping skills that will benefit them in the face of more significant life challenges. In this blog post we will explore how to nurture resilience in the face of loss, building the foundation for healthy coping strategies to deal with life’s challenges, including loss.
Thought Patterns and Beliefs
Early experiences shape emotional and psychological development, influencing how individuals perceive and handle difficult situations, including loss. Beliefs and coping patterns formed in childhood can have a significant impact on how individuals react to loss throughout the lifespan. Unfortunately, many are not taught healthy or normalizing messages about grief, passing on these patterns to their children. To break this cycle, it is crucial to develop awareness of childhood influences and re-evaluate assumptions about dealing with loss. By fostering awareness, parents can instil lifelong, healthy response patterns to grief, empowering their children with effective coping skills.
Understanding Resilience
Resilience can be defined as the capacity to bounce back from adversity, to maintain emotional well-being, and to adapt to change. Nurturing resilience in children involves cultivating inner strength, growth mindset, positive relationships, and hope for the future. This lifelong gift equips children to face everyday challenges and significant losses with strength and adaptability.
Resilience is nurtured through day to day challenges and interactions.
Ways to Nurture Resilience
Foster Open Communication
Create an environment where children feel not only safe but encouraged to share their thoughts, concerns and feelings.
Initiate difficult conversations in a developmentally appropriate manner, ensuring that the dialogue remains non-judgemental.
Be honest and transparent, even if you don’t have all the answers, fostering trust and openness.
Provide Emotional Support
Pay close attention to your child’s verbal and non-verbal cues, showing empathy and validating their emotions.
Avoid criticizing or belittling their emotions, recognizing that every emotion, no matter how trivial it may seem, is valid.
Lead by example; openly express your own feelings and demonstrate healthy ways to cope with them.
Encourage creative activities such as drawing, painting, journaling, music, and dance as non-verbal outlets for emotional expression.
Nurture a Growth Mindset
Involve children in problem-solving, empowering them to find solutions to everyday challenges. For more on how to teach problem solving skills read this blog post.
Celebrate effort, emphasizing the importance of the process rather than focusing solely on outcomes.
Embrace mistakes as part of the learning journey, encouraging resilience and the ability to bounce back.
View children as competent and capable, resisting the urge to fix every problem for them.
Promote reflection, helping children learn from their experiences and build self-awareness.
The Elephant in the Room
Navigating discussions about death can be uncomfortable for adults, but these conversations are essential in nurturing a child’s resilience to loss and grief.
Children generally become curious about death, around 6 years old, but can vary depending on their experiences and developmental level. They may talk about death, play about dying or ask questions. Many day to day situations arise, a dead bug or animal, a news story, death in a book or movie. Instead of avoiding or discouraging conversations about death, let’s see them as opportunities to nurture our child’s resilience to loss and grief.
Provide Age Appropriate Explanations
When discussing death or loss in day-to-day situations, offer age-appropriate explanations about the cessation of bodily functions, avoiding euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to sleep.”
Clarify that when something dies, it does not come back to life, addressing any unrealistic notions that may arise from media portrayals. Answer Questions Honestly
Be truthful and straightforward in responding to your child’s queries about death, creating an atmosphere of trust and openness.
Acknowledge the natural curiosity children have about death and be prepared for their questions. Be Open to Discussions
Encourage an environment where your child feels comfortable bringing up the topic of death, assuring them that it’s okay to ask difficult questions.
Avoid being shocked by their comments or actions, recognizing these as a part of their process of understanding. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings
Understand that discussions about death may evoke various emotions in your child. Acknowledge and validate these feelings, providing a supportive space for them to express themselves. Share Personal Experiences Appropriately
If relevant, share your own experiences and feelings about loss and grief, ensuring it’s done in a manner appropriate for their age and understanding.
Conclusion
Don’t wait until your child and you are experiencing a significant loss and grief, be proactive to nurture healthy coping skills.
By understanding and addressing the thought patterns and beliefs around loss, embracing open communication, providing emotional support, and nurturing a growth mindset, parents can empower their children to face life’s challenges with strength and adaptability.
To nurture healthy coping skills and foster resilience in children is a gift that lasts a lifetime.
~Rose Couse~
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