A Guide for Parents and Caregivers
Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. Anxiety is our body’s normal reaction to perceived danger or important events. It is like an internal alarm system that alerts us to danger and helps our body prepare to deal with it. For example, anxiety allows you to jump out of the way of a speeding car. It also lets us know when something important is happening and helps us perform at our best. Anxiety urges you to practice for a performance or study for a test.
Anxiety and The Brain
An understanding of how the brain works in regards to anxiety can be helpful in knowing how to support anxious children.
Brains' first and most important job is to keep us safe. When the brain registers threat, the amygdala (the seat of anxiety in the brain) takes over. Everything becomes about survival and safety.
The ‘thinking brain’ - the part of the brain necessary for reason, decision making, planning and problem solving - is shut down.
The amygdala is in charge and its goal is to organize the body for fight or flight. This is important for survival when there is an actual threat. However, sometimes the amygdala perceives threat and shuts down the thinking brain and organizes the body for fight or flight when there is no real threat. Some amygdalas are more hypervigilant than others.
How to Explain Anxiety to Children
Even young children can relate to the analogy of an alarm system to normalize and understand their anxiety. You can explain that the amygdala is the alarm system of the brain. It’s job is to keep us safe. Sometimes the alarm goes off when there isn’t real danger but something feels scary because it’s important and matters to them. Like a fire alarm, its job is to warn us of the danger so we can respond and get out safely when there is a real fire but sometimes the alarm goes off when there is burnt toast.
Here is a video that explains anxiety to children. The 2 Questions That Can Help You Find ‘Brave’ When You Feel Anxious. Karen Young provides many other valuable resources about childhood anxiety at Hey Sigmund. She is also the author of Hey Warrior and Hey Awesome, excellent books to explain anxiety for children. (I have no affiliation, just consider these to be very good resources.)
Managing Anxiety
Understanding anxiety in this context, can give the child some control. With your support they can start to question;
Is this scary - dangerous (like a real fire)? Do I need to avoid the situation or protect myself?
OR
Is this scary - safe (like burnt toast)? Do I need to be brave? Do I need to do the thing even though I am scared?
Managing anxiety does not mean getting rid of it. Anxiety is important to survival and growth. It is about handling the discomfort, building tolerance and coping skills one small step at a time.
Dr. Becky Kennedy suggests these scripts to help your child embrace that;
I can feel anxious, and be brave.
Scripts that can be adapted for your specific circumstances:
There’s something about this that doesn’t feel good for you - I believe you.
You’ll know when you are ready.
It’s okay to feel nervous.
I trust you, you are going to figure this out.
It’s okay to feel exactly the way you are feeling.
It’s okay to feel scared and brave.
When Anxiety Becomes Too Big
Despite our best efforts and strategies anxiety can become too big. One reason is that anxiety manifests in a variety of ways making it difficult to recognize. Disruptive or acting out behavior often leads to discipline or diagnosis. The underlying cause may be anxiety. Anxious children that avoid activities may be labeled as shy, lazy or manipulative. Children that are quiet and well behaved may have anxiety that goes unrecognized. Thus, it’s important that adults seek out the underlying cause for challenging behavior. Reacting with punishment or judgment can enhance the anxiety rather than nurturing resilience and building coping skills.
Unmanaged or extreme anxiety can impact;
Children’s belief in themselves
Engagement with their world
Unfolding of their potential
If your child's anxiety persists or worsens, consider seeking professional help from a qualified mental health professional who specializes in child and adolescent anxiety disorders.
Understanding Common Anxiety Disorders:
Here are brief definitions of common anxiety disorders that may affect children:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Characterized by excessive and persistent worry about various aspects of life, such as school performance, family issues, or safety.
Separation Anxiety Disorder: Involves excessive fear or worry about being separated from loved ones, leading to distress or avoidance of separation situations.
Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD): Marked by an intense fear of social situations, including interacting with peers, speaking in public, or participating in group activities.
Specific Phobias: Intense fear and avoidance of specific objects, situations, or activities, such as animals, heights, or medical procedures.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Marked by uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts ("obsessions") and/or behaviors ("compulsions") that he or she feels the urge to repeat over and over.
Reliable Resources for Help:
Here are some reliable resources you can turn to for further assistance and guidance:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) - The NIMH provides comprehensive information on childhood anxiety disorders and treatment options.
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) - The ADAA offers a wealth of resources, including articles, videos, and a Find a Therapist tool to locate professionals specializing in childhood anxiety.
Child Mind Institute - The Child Mind Institute is dedicated to supporting children with mental health and learning disorders. They provide helpful guides and articles for parents and caretakers.
Anxiety Canada - Anxiety Canada is dedicated to raise awareness about anxiety and support access to proven resources and treatment. They are a leader in developing free, online self-help and evidence-based tools to help manage anxiety.
Conclusion
I hope this blog post has been helpful in your quest to understand and support childhood anxiety. Feel free to share your own experiences and tips in the comments below. Take care, and remember, you've got this!
In the next post I will provide more strategies for what to do when your child has anxiety.
~R.M. Couse~
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