The language we use impacts our thoughts and our thoughts impact the language that we use.
I am a firm believer in the power of language. The words we think and say can nurture or limit our potential. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the nuance between parenting and being a parent. Huh, what’s the difference you may be asking.
In this blog post I explore how the language we use may impact our parent mindset which impacts how we think and act. The nuance may be subtle but worth considering. I am interested in your thoughts, so please follow along and then comment to let me know if this resonates for you or you think it’s much ado about nothing.
The Spectrum of Parenting
There is gentle parenting, responsive parenting, intentional parenting, peaceful parenting and many more. Many of these methods provide solid evidence-based knowledge and strategies. But how do you choose which one to follow?
Parenting, in its conventional sense, often conveys a set of rules, guidelines, and societal expectations. It implies a certain methodology, a one-size-fits-all approach that's expected to yield well-behaved and successful children. There's a plethora of advice out there, each claiming to be the magic formula for perfect parenting.
What if you adhere to one method of parenting but some parts don’t seem to work for your family? Have you failed at parenting? Is one method superior to another? As we wade through the unpredictable waters of parenthood, it becomes evident that the term 'parenting' may inadvertently lead to unhelpful comparisons.
Parenting is a verb, it’s about what we do. Parent is a noun, it’s about who we are. Let’s explore the difference.
Being A Parent
Being a parent is an entirely different paradigm. It's not just about following a set of rules; it's about embracing an identity. It's a unique blend of your values, experiences, and the unique relationship with your child.
It's about deciding who you want to be in that role – a guide, a supporter, a mentor. It's an ongoing, dynamic relationship that evolves over time, requiring adaptability and an openness to change.
Being a parent is about the relationship between two unique people, you and your child, who continue to learn and grow as individuals and together. It’s not a checklist of parenting things to do that make you a good parent, no more than it’s a checklist of ‘friending’ things that make you a good friend. You aren’t ‘spousing’, you are a spouse.
Drawing parallels to our roles in friendships and partnerships can provide valuable insights. In these relationships, we seldom compare our friends or partners to others based on a predetermined set of criteria. Instead, we appreciate the unique qualities they bring to the relationship. Being a parent can be approached similarly – appreciating and nurturing the individuality of our children.
The Evolving Relationship and the Comparison Trap
One of the key distinctions between parenting and being a parent is understanding that the parent-child relationship is not a static entity. It's a journey that transforms over time. As your child grows, so does your role as a parent. The challenges change, the dynamics shift, and being a parent requires you to be flexible and receptive to the evolving needs of your child.
The comparison trap often emerges when we're stuck in the mindset of 'parenting.' Constantly measuring our children's achievements against others, comparing our parenting techniques to those we see online, can create unnecessary stress. Being a parent involves recognizing that every child is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.
Conclusion
Consider your parent mindset; what do you believe and think about parenting or being a parent. Does the language you think or say nurture or limit your capacity to be the parent you want to be?
If you follow a specific method of parenting or find the information and strategies of one or more methods useful, simply consider what knowledge and strategies help you to be the parent you want to be and disregard the others. Shift from parenting in a prescribed way to being the parent you want to be and that your child needs.
In the intricate tapestry of parenthood, the shift from parenting to being a parent can be a liberating experience, especially when it comes to breaking free from the comparison trap. It allows for authenticity, individuality, and a deeper connection with your child. So, let's celebrate the uniqueness of our roles, recognizing that, as parents, we have the agency to shape our identity and relationship in this parenthood journey.
I would love to hear your thoughts on parenting vs. being a parent. Is this a mindset shift that resonates for you? Let us know in the comments.
~Rose Couse~
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